That Internet Wife of Mine

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June seems to be the month of birthdays for my Ars Marginal crew. Last week we celebrated Triple J’s birthday and today I get the pleasure of celebrating another special person in my life.

My beloved internet wife, RVCBard, playwright and creator of “Tulpa or Anne & Me”, and the founder and leader of Ars Marginal.

And you know you’re something fierce when Amanda Waller is giving you a toast.

How RVCBard is an extraordinary woman, let me count the ways:

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ONE, DOES NOT SIMPLY COUNT THE WAYS OF HOW RVCBARD IS AN EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN.

Maybe not. After all, to count the ways RVCBard is awesome is like the number Pi. It’s infinite.

But don’t take my word for it. Her majesty and a few others have a few words they’d like to share.

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Emma & Regina (Once Upon A Time) RVCBard gave us our happy ending in alternate universe as one of the leaders of the Swan Queen Movement.

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Uhura (Star Trek): It is always uplifting to see another black woman exploring new worlds of her own, blazing her trail, and finding new and creative ways to communicate her message, her story. She was one of my inspirations for entering Starfleet.

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Miranda Priestly (Devil Wears Prada): It was actually RVCBard who talked me into entering the world of fashion. Is that all you needed for this interview? Excellent. Now get out of my office.

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Pinky Pie (My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic): RVCBard taught me and my buddies that friendship is magic and we can have grand adventures without the menz.

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Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender): RVCBard taught me that when dealing with the opposition, always bring the heat.

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Anna (V- The Series): It was my dearest friend RVCBard who gave me the advice that the most efficient way to destroy the earth is to simply be nice to the little black girl.

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Tyrion Lannister (Game of Thrones): The lovely and wise RVCBard always advised me to keep that pimp hand strong.

Case in point:

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Lana Parilla (Regina from Once Upon A Time): Interesting note about RVCBard’s pimp hand, it was banned in the Enchanted Forest, Westeros, Camelot, Narnia, and several other lands after that infamous confrontation with the Olsen triplets.

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Morgana (Merlin): RVCBard reminded me and my sister of one important fact. Evil Regals are Ride or Die Chicks.

:

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Guinevere (Merlin): It was RVCBard who advised me on how to play my position, bide my time, let the white folks die and kill each other off, and when all is said and done, I’ll be the last one standing with the crown and the keys to the Camelot. From one Black Queen to another, Long Live The Queen.

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Gollum (Lord of the Rings, the Hobbbit): RVCBard? MY PRESHUS!!!!!!!!!!

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Amanda Waller (Smallville): The Queen is always one step ahead of her foes.

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Regina & Maleficient (Once Upon A Time): Most people know that the two of us were really good friends. What most people didn’t know is that RVCBard was a part of our clique and even Gold was afraid to go up against her.

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Pam (True Blood): RVCBard made me realize that Tara is another version of me. Or I’m another version of her. Either way my other half has made me whole.

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Tara (True Blood): I thought I had patience dealing with Sookie and those other ignorant white folks, but RVCBard could give Job some pointers.

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Female Troll: I once came for RVCBard when she didn’t send for me. I trolled Ars Marginal and didn’t read the comments policy. She snatched my wig and revealed my true visage. Even my White Woman Tears were ineffective.

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Trolls: We tried to invade Ars Marginal too when their members called out straight white privilege in posts. RVCBard flexed the infamous pimp hand and the ban hammer which is like the Mjolnir. It was EPIC!!!!!!!I

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Isabelle (4400): She taught many of us that black girls can be the special chosen ones too.

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Lafayette: The hell I’m gonna say something nice to RVCBard on her birthday for? She owe me $20.

*hands Lafayette $40*

WHAT’S UP RVCBARD. HOW YOU IS GIRL? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! TEAR IT UP NOW!!!!!!

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Bill (True Blood): She is a religion I proudly practice.

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Regina: She supported me as I worked to reconcile my relationship with my son.

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Jasika Nicole (Fringe, Encanta): She dreamcast me to play a pirate who romances a sorceress with an uncanny resemblance to Lana Parilla. I look forward to working closely with both talented and beautiful ladies.

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Catwoman: RVCBard is that rare jewel you risk Arkham or fighting the Batman to acquire.

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Anne Hathaway: RVCBard is sweet and lovely.

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Dennis R. Upkins (author, Hollowstone, Stranger Than Fiction, West of Sunset): I could give examples after examples of the many times RVCBard has been there for me and many others when we were going through a rough time; how we’ve had some deep conversations on spiritualism, social justice, our artistic endeavors, race, orientation, gender, fandom and all things in between. I could tell you what an amazing soul she is and could write poems and essays about her. But instead I’ll tell you this. RVCBard is the primary inspiration behind two heroines who will be featured in two upcoming stories I’m currently developing.

One is the leader of a female merc team and the other is a young shamaness. I’m dreamcasting Danai Gurira and Erica Tazel for the respective roles.

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Because trust, that Internet Wife of Mine is a heroine herself. And she’s also one other very important thing to me. Family.

Happy Birthday RVCBard,

Love you boo.

-Denny

7 comments on “That Internet Wife of Mine

  1. This is perhaps the greatest thing I’ve seen and read in a long time. *raises glass* Bravo to you for an epic piece, and cheers to the woman that inspired it. Happy Birthday, RVC!

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