Doctor Who? Dr. Upkins


Several friends have pointed out to me that whenever they see my Twitter handle, drupkins, they sound it out in their heads as Dr. Upkins. A number of them have mentioned that part of the reason is that they can so see me as a doctor, based on my personality and cerebral nature. No matter how many times I hear this, I’m always deeply flattered. The truth is my Twitter handle is simply comprised of the initials of my first and middle name and my full last name. That being said, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think Dr. Upkins didn’t have a nice ring to it.

This got me thinking about another doctor or rather, The Doktah.

With Matt Smith stepping down on Doctor Who the continuing search for a replacement, I’m thinking everyone should look no further. The Doctor is here. Doctor Who? Dr. Upkins.

I could so be a Timelord. I probably am and just have no memory of it, kinda like the Master. I would bring the militance and the fury of 9, the infectious style and adorkable charm of 10, and the eccentricity of 11.

And again I’d be bringing that 51st century swagger and my trademark realness that you’ve all come to know and feel ambivalent about.



It makes perfect sense. I have so much in common with the Timelords.

-He’s often the smartest guy in the room. I’m often the smartest guy in the room.

-He travels time. I’m a history buff myself.

-He’s over 900 years old. I’m an old soul myself.

-His all purpose tool is his sonic screwdriver, mine is my iPhone 5.

-He explores new worlds in his TARDIS. I do the same with a WI-FI connection and my Macbook, which let’s be honest. Apple is far superior technology.

-With a few swipes of his sonic screwdriver, he can vanguish hordes of enemies. With a few swipes on my keyboard, I do the same to online trolls.

-He makes magic with a few strokes of his sonic screwdriver. I make magic with a few strokes of—actually that qualifies for why I am a 51st century time agent.

Let’s face it, as far as marketability, I got some key demographics covered. And hello look at the pics. Can we say hawtness? I’d be the sexiest doctor since David Tennant. TRU FAX! TRU FAX!!!

I can see it now, traveling. Exploring new worlds, having grand adventures with my peeps Harkness, Dr. Jones and Luke Smith. It’ll be epic. The fans would love me. We know how Whovians embrace minorities. Me as a Timelord, what could possibly go wrong?






…………………………..yeah, I’ll see if there’s an opening for the Master or a 51st century Time Agent


Speculative Fiction Novelist. Author of Hollowstone, West of Sunset and other cool stories. Wordsmith, activist and nerd seraph. Saving the world and/or taking it over.