Color Commentary returns and this time we’re taking on the first season of Marvel’s Luke Cage.
This commentary is done in complete satire, is intended for a mature audience and is meant for entertainment purposes only. In other words, if you take any of this seriously, you are a fracking idiot.
Life in the black barbershop. Brings back memories.
#LukeCage
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That’s right Shameek. Let’s talk trash to the biggest dude in the room and let’s see how that works out for you.
#LukeCage
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I love how the opening scene captures every kind of character you would find not only in Harlem but in any historical black community.
#LukeCage
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Yes Mariah I despise that n-word as well.
#LukeCage
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The love scene between Misty and Luke got me like:
#LukeCage
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WHY HELLO MR. SAADIQ!!!!!! Way to serenade the pilot episode.
#LukeCage
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Not to throw shade like Nolan Ryan (oh who am I kidding) but the first two episodes of Luke Cage has had more representation of Latinos than the entire run of Arrow.
#ArrowYouHaveFailedYourSeries
#LukeCage
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I see Cottonmouth and Sharmeek are playing the adult version of “Bi*** Better Have My Money*
#LukeCage
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Luke Cage is the Patron Saint of Negroes On That Grind. That Negro has more jobs than Trump has divorces and bankruptcies.
#LukeCage
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You have a half million in cash and you still in New York? I’d be halfway to California, assuming I didn’t try to sneak out the country.
#LukeCage
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Who is that shady Negro playing chess?
#LukeCage
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Wait, ISN’T THAT THE NEGRO FROM DAREDEVIL? TURK!!!
#LukeCage
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Cage, STOP AND GET YOUR MONEY FROM THE GUY.
#LukeCage
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ALL RIGHT FAITH EVANS!!!!!! SING IT!!!!!! And looking flawless as always.
#LukeCage
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REALLY CHICO? YOU GOING WALK OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY BECAUSE THERE’S NO TV in the room you hiding in from the mob?
#LukeCage
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Maybe you need to get shot Chico. just on principle.
#LukeCage
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How did Turk get on the roof?
#LukeCage
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DAYUM!!!!!!! The last time I saw a Negro fall that hard from the heavens was when Rhodey got GOT in Civil War. ROFL!!!!!
Too soon?
Sorry/Not Sorry.
#LukeCage
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“I’m going back to Hell’s Kitchen where it’s safe,”
You do that Turk. Go play Tobey to those evil white folks in Hell’s Kitchen. You not built for these real Negroes in Harlem.
#LukeCage
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“I’m tired. I’m not tired enough to ever let nobody call me that word.”
[Raises right fist in solidarity]
#LukeCage
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Mariah reminds me a lot of Wilson Fisk during the first season of Daredevil. She genuinely loves Harlem just as Fisk loved Hell’s Kitchen but eventually become the oppressor rather than the savior.
#LukeCage
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No this fool Domingo did not just drop a Milky Way wrapper on that immaculate Harlem Paradise floor.
#LukeCage
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Now Domingo just dropped a Milky Way on the ground.
#LukeCage
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That littering is really affecting my environmentalism and my OCD.
#LukeCage
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Litter in this man’s club again Domingo. DON”T THINK I WON”T COME THROUGH THIS FLATSCREEN AND LAY YOUR 3’9″ NO NECK ASS OUT.
#LukeCage
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Oh I see Scarfe is dirty. I already know this by him removing his tie while Chico is monologuing. Pro-tip, when a white man takes you out to a secluded area and starts removing his tie, a) He’s planning to receive a blowjob. and/or b) He’s planning to murder you. I don’t know this from experience. Nope not at all. Given that neither Scarfe or Chico appear to play for the winning team, Chico is about to get GOT.
#LukeCage
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And Chico is dead. CALLED IT!!!!!!
#LukeCage
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VIRGINIA SLIM!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!
#LukeCage
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BRB, rocking out to Jidenna’s track Long Live The Chief
#LukeCage
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NOW I KNOW GOOD AND WELL THIS FOOL DID NOT JUST PULL OUT A ROCKET LAUNCHER AND……WHAT THE?!!!!!
#LukeCage
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I can’t even front, that’s some black folks mentality right there. White criminals would’ve hired hitmen to discreetly remove foes. This Negro is going to fire a rocket launcher and make an example out of of everyone.
#LukeCage
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I see Rosario Dawson has been stepping up her boxing game. But don’t take my word for it, ask the purse snatcher whose ass she just kicked.
#LukeCage
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Far be it from me to discourage black folks from reading. But giving book reports during a cartel meeting. Probably not the best time. As one slain Negro just learned.
#LukeCage
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And the special term for the day kids is benign neglect.
#LukeCage
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Now black folks, let’s keep it 100. If this was a REAL black funeral, services for Pop would be taking place during season 4 of Luke Cage.
#LukeCage
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“Oh he’s trouble. He reminds me of your father.”
DAYUM Soledad. Tell us how you really feel.
#LukeCage
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YES KIMA FROM THE WIRE!!!!!!!! HOW YOU DOIN?
#LukeCage
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They got rid of Kima for stank ole Priscilla. 5 minutes in and I already hate her. No wonder 911 is a joke in their town.
#LukeCage
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Mama Mabel represents every black person poisoned with self hate who tries to sabotage every black person (even their own kids) who strive to reach for their potential.
#LukeCage
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I know we not talking about Luke Cage’s government name, Cottonmouth.
#LukeCage
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It’s too bad no one bothers to listen to Shades. He sees into the heart of things, is wiser than virtually everyone else and tends to be 3 steps ahead of everyone.
#LukeCage
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Holy Cripes. Cotton Mouth’s attorney is also Wilson Fisk’s attorney.
#LukeCage
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So that’s why she’s called Black Mariah.
“That’s the last time you will ever call me a bitch.”
Tell em Black Mariah.
#LukeCage
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Misty you need your ass beat for laying hands on Claire.
#LukeCage
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Now I love me some Claire but if my life is in jeopardy and Claire is my only hope, let me die.
#LukeCage
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This whole saga stems back to Papa being a rollingstone and having a side chick.
#LukeCage
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And Shades just made Inspector Ridley into Inspector Gadget
#LukeCage
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Sent three goons after Shades and failed. Should’ve sent three more.
#LukeCage
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Dude I know those aren’t tears I see. You just tried to murder Shades and now you crying. Turk is right Romeo is doing corkscrews in his grave,.
#LukeCage
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Scarface was right. I never seen a man cry until I seen a man die.
#LukeCage
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I’ve decided I’m cosplaying as Shades.
#LukeCage
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And speaking of Shades, first Gemma Teller, now Mariah Dillard. I think Shades has a thing for MILFs. Of course given the sexiness and epic flawlessness that are Katey Sagal and Alfre Woodard, I can’t blame a brother.
#LukeCage
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Shades isn’t exactly the worst guy to stare at either. Hello to the yummy.
#LukeCage
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Detective Bailey is hawt. Hello pale and nerdy. Sorry/NotSorry.
#LukeCage
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OH YES! I CAUGHT THAT COLLEEN WING EASTER EGG!!! ENTER DAUGHTERS OF THE DRAGON!!!!
#LukeCage
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Oh lord Diamondback is about to get an upgrade.
#LukeCage
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Misty Knight is in full effect.
#LukeCage
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I would like to take this time and thank the DCEU. Because if they hadn’t put Marvel on notice, we wouldn’t have gotten Luke Cage and would’ve had to suffer through Moon Knight or some crap.
#LukeCage
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Luke Cage wasn’t wrong. He’s got plenty of work to do. Where’s season 2?
#LukeCage
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DENNIS R. UPKINS 