Wakanda Forever: On The subject of grief

I love chopping it up with Raphael Soohoo. In addition to being a fellow geek and my brother from an Asian mother, he’s the definition of class, integrity, strength, and gives excellent counsel.

We were discussing Wakanda Forever and he helped put some things in perspective for me without even realizing it.

For those of you who don’t know it was Fallon Fox who informed me that Chadwick Boseman had passed away. Then a few months later, I made it a point to reach out to her to let her know that Monica Roberts had joined the ancestors. Given that Monica was close with both of us, I didn’t want her to be blindsided by the news on social media. Months after that Nanna passed.

Truth is I haven’t been okay since. Some days I feel like I”m spiraling and it’s all I can do to get through the day. With all the chaos at home at the time, the pandemic and the racial unrest, I was never allowed to grieve or process anything. I still haven’t.

Watching Wakanda Forever someone finally put into visual what I’ve been experiencing the past few years. Losing everyone and still having to stay strong.

I was amused that Wakanda Forever was released on Feb. 1. Because while that may be the beginning of Black Excellence Month, it also happens to be my birthday.

When the despair has struck me the worst, I think Nanna has pulled some strings to remind me I have family here, whether it’s the Dowdys/Grahams being in town to pay me a visit. Or meeting Jamila, Brittany and their crew. Or a lot of you checking in on me. And that means a lot because you didn’t have to do it. Or Dad and my Stepmom being in town reminding me that I’m not alone.

I guess I’m trying to say I’m not okay. And for an overachieving perfectionist, this is a huge step. But I’m learning sometimes it’s okay not to be okay.

But more than that, I do want to take this time to say thank you to all of you. Whether I talk to you once in a blue moon or argue with you about comics every day (because I’m totally right and you’re wrong totally), you all don’t know that sometimes your presence and support has helped me through some dark times. Having you all in my life, I’ve grown and evolved so much which probably wouldn’t have happened without you fine people. So yeah, thank you. Truly.

Funny how I got all of that from a movie.